It might sound like a simple icebreaker question, but when most people see this question on a dating app, they freeze. Is it a trick question? What's the right answer? If you're looking for casual sex, can you just be honest and say that?
There are lots of different reasons someone might be using dating apps, from meeting interesting people to finding a committed relationship — online dating can do it all.
We'll help you navigate this conversational quicksand, and help you figure out the right answer to the dreaded question.
Read the whole article for lots of great tips, or jump right to the section you're curious about.
Here is the outline of the article, feel free to jump to the section that interests you the most.
Online dating is about filtering, so it makes sense that women want to make sure you're on the same page before spending too much time talking, let alone going on dates. If someone is looking for a relationship, then maybe they don't want to meet someone who is just looking for fun, or sex, on Tinder.
So while it might sound like a test, remember that it's not just about finding the right answers — it's about figuring out whether you're actually compatible.
Don't be desperate to get every girl you match with to go on dates with you, instead spend time searching for girls who are interested in the same things you are.
It's hard to know what makes you look attractive on dating apps, and even harder to make the changes needed to get more matches.
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There's nothing wrong with using Tinder just to see what's out there. And maybe that's the answer you want to give. The problem is, if you sound wishy-washy, that can end the conversation before it's really gotten started.
That's why it's important to think honestly about what looking for, so you can tell the truth when the question comes up.
There's nothing wrong with looking for sex on Tinder! And believe it or not, plenty of girls are looking for casual sex, too.
And here's the secret — you don't need to lie to get it. Instead of being afraid to scare someone off, work on ways to be clear about what you want, and to find women who want the same thing.
Just looking for a few dates? That's fine too. Not everyone is looking for a relationship. Sometimes you're just bored and want to shake things up a little, or maybe you're going to an event that would be more fun with company.
You don't need to have a girlfriend to get a date now and then. Plenty of cool people are just looking for an occasional night out, and you can use a dating site like Tinder to find them.
Are serious relationships found on Tinder? absolutely. While it might not be the first thing Tinder makes you think of, it absolutely happens. Plenty of people have met the right person online and lived happily ever after.
Again, the important thing is clarity. You need to have the right strategy for what you're looking for, rather than just hoping lightning will strike and make beautiful women fall into your lap.
Most people put a lot of time and effort into their job, but don't think about how they can improve their love life at the same time.
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Now that you have an idea of what you're actually looking for, you need to figure out how to answer the dreaded question.
With so little time to get to know your matches on dating sites, a simple conversation can feel impossibly high stakes.
One approach is to give an answer that's general enough that it keeps your options open, without being so vague that it sounds like you're dodging the question. How do you do that? Here's one example:
"I like to stay open-minded. I'm not really looking to settle down right away but I'm also not just looking for hookups, either. I'm just hoping to meet interesting people and see what happens."
An answer like this can come across as honest, while also keeping your options open. But remember, we suggest you stick with the truth! So if you're really only looking for one thing, don't play games just to get a date.
If you do want something a bit more serious, say so! You don't get what you want without asking for it. Try saying something like,
"I'm not opposed to meeting new people and making friends, but honestly I'm getting tired of dating around and I'd like to find a girlfriend."
Again, this keeps your options open — it's clear that there's not only one outcome that you're open to. But it also lets her know that she's not barking up the wrong tree if she's looking for a boyfriend.
Believe it or not, honesty is still the best policy. You just need to find the right way to express yourself. (And creepy pick-up lines aren't the right way!)
Don't assume most girls aren't open to hooking up. Plenty of women are open to a sex date — the problem is the way some guys go about it.
Remember that online dating isn't an even playing field, and there are good reasons girls feel like they can't always be open about what they're looking for. So it's your job to make them feel safe enough to be honest. Here's one option,
"Honestly, I've got a pretty stressful job and I'm looking to blow off some steam. But it's especially nice if that can be with someone who becomes a friend, too."
Only include the second part if it's true! Otherwise, stick with the first line. But consider this, it's a lot easier to maintain a friend with benefits or two (or three?) than to keep meeting new women for hookups all the time.
All kinds of people are on Tinder, and they're looking for lots of different things. Life is too short to waste time pretending to be something you're not. So try being direct with your matches about what you're looking for and see what happens! You might be surprised by the friendships, dates, and even relationships that can develop when you're clear about what you want, rather than always guessing what the other person wants to hear.
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Ben is one of the best Tinder Experts I've ever met and one of the few that cracked the Algorithm of Tinder. Every week, Ben is publishing new articles on Beyond Matching, helping millions of people to get more matches, dates, and find the one!Get my secret